Look at all of the feelings and emotions that we, as humans, have the ability to have, feel, and experience. From pure happiness and ecstasy to intense anger and the emptiest sadness, life is filled with this entire spectrum of “feels.” And it’s supposed to be this way in order for us to grow into the best versions of ourselves, fully appreciate the time on the positive side of the spectrum, and live a variety-filled and full life.
Now, did you know that every single one of our thoughts have the ability to produce any feeling, from that whole spectrum of “feels,” inside ourselves? Whether it’s happy, joy, fear, anger, sadness…the ONLY REASON that we feel this way is because we have a THOUGHT that is driving this feeling.
And it isn’t the other way around, which is always how I imagined it being, in a sense: I step into the sunshine and I feel happy which then produces more positive vibes, thoughts, and feelings in my body. So, in other words this external THING makes me feel a certain way and then contributes to my thoughts from there. And though this statement about the sunshine is very true and all of those things can occur, it is missing a vital piece: I step into the sun, I have a THOUGHT about really loving the sunshine, AND THEN I feel happy about being in the sun – – which can then produce other happy and positive feelings after that.
In the same example, another person could step into the sun, think about hating the heat and being blinded by the brightness, and then feel so miserable being in the sunshine….
It’s all about perspective which means it all stems from an internal thought, FIRST AND FOREMOST. And this has been pretty mind-blowing to me, to be very honest. 🤯
Because I think of all the times that I have blamed outside factors for the way that I was feeling.
Example 1: If someone says something to me that presses a trigger: “Why are you hurting my feelings and making me feel this way?”
Example 2: Sitting on the couch after my newly-repaired second ACL Reconstructive surgery and being angry at the world: “Why is the world throwing such bad luck at me and making me feel so devastated?”
Example 3: Or even if a friend doesn’t call me back or text me back within a few days or weeks: “Why won’t she call me or text me back, she’s making me feel so disappointed.”
Here is what I am learning:
In Example 1, no one and nothing outside of yourself can MAKE you feel any certain way. Yes, people can contribute to our feelings by saying awful, mean, and hurtful things, whether it’s direct and intentional or even indirectly and unintentionally. However, the reason we get truly bothered by these comments is because we think about the words in a certain way and create personal meaning behind them. It has nothing to do with the person that says the words and everything to do with how we process those words and how we think about them. In. Every. Single. Circumstance.
Our personal filter is often responsible for the feelings we hold onto and the feelings we actually choose to let go. It’s a really interesting concept – – I invite you to take a moment to process this:
It is said that blaming other people for how we are feeling puts us in the victim mode and relinquishes all of our power to those other people. So we end up feeling two inches tall, powerless, and completely steamrolled. And then that takes a lot of effort to build ourselves back up from that flat-lined position. Whereas if we take responsibility for how we are feeling in every given circumstance that we can, we hold onto our own power and can choose how to respond in the most beneficial way for us. Words can still sting and we can still be affected by what was said; however, we’re still standing in a powerful position, which makes handling the situation and moving past it much easier.
It makes so much sense!!!!! AND it is so difficult, especially if you have wired yourself to not take responsibility for a lot of your own feelings. 🙋🏻♀️ 😕 (Hint: It is easier to point and blame then to take responsibility). And I am doing MUCH better because I am super aware of it now. And also taking responsibility as opposed to being a victim sounds much more appealing, in my opinion. But it takes A LOT of work, patience, compassion, and observation to shift this perspective, no doubt about that.
In Example 2, the world is not out to get me. 🌎👺 It’s important to remember that the Universe does things FOR us, not TO us, as challenging as that can be sometimes. Like after my 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th knee surgeries. And for me, it’s important to remember that both injuries and surgeries are very common – – I am not special and rare, when it comes to that. However, now I see what I was, and have been, making my injuries and surgeries mean: That my life is over because I may never dance professionally again. So my devastation was not a result of my injuries, but rather because of how I was seeing and thinking about what my injuries/surgeries mean to me.
My entire identity was wrapped up in being a dancer and working as a dancer. Without that, who am I? And so my fear of not knowing the answer to this question, (and all of those thoughts about the “what if I can never dance again?” worry), created my own feelings of depression, devastation, anger, disappointment, all of it. Yes, injuries and surgeries are a HUUUUUGE inconvenience and filled with pain and the full-on effort to heal and move forward. Yet, making it the end of the world, like I was making it mean, was probably not helping me heal any faster or feel any better. (It definitely wasn’t!!). I was only creating more suffering on top of the intensity of my injuries as well as putting more unnecessary pressure on myself. I definitely blamed my circumstances for how I was feeling, many times.
And you know what? I had to hang up my professional dancing shoes in 2015 because of my knee injuries BUT I am still alive, my life didn’t end, and I was able to create a new identity. I am living and breathing and working in the fitness world. And even if I wasn’t able to finish my dance career successfully and on my own terms, I still have my memorable experiences as a dancer to hold onto. It’s amazing how many worries that we create that never come to be. I wonder how differently that I would have felt if I had released the blame from the outside world as I was in my surgery-recovery modes. If I had taken responsibility for my negative feelings, understood why they were there, and then forgave myself for the worries and for not believing that I could be okay, whether I returned as a dancer or not….I’ll never know, though I’m pretty sure there would have been a lightness to my recoveries, at the very least.
****And I’m trying to keep this in mind for when I venture forward and go through my third ACL Reconstructive surgery in the future. I can already feel my fear of “what if I can never run again or take a dance class again or jump again…???” coming to the surface from time to time. I’m learning how to take responsibility for these thoughts and feelings so they can’t stick and overwhelm me…..too much. 😉 Reminding myself to look forward to these things because they WILL happen again:
As for Example 3, it ties in with Example 1. My friend isn’t doing anything TO me because she hasn’t returned my phone call or my text. It all comes down to what I am making this all mean by the story that I am telling myself. Like, I am thinking that she is purposefully ignoring me or that she is mad at me or I’m not important enough to her to return my calls/texts….my own thoughts, thoughts, and more thoughts that are making myself feel so disappointed and upset. When really, my friend is probably so busy with events in her life OR she meant to text me back immediately and ended up forgetting OR because she has limited time to talk now and she values my friendship so much that she would prefer to call me back when she actually has more than 5 minutes to chat. It doesn’t matter the reason, you see. It only matters how I am perceiving the unreturned call/text that is making me feel a certain way. My own thoughts are creating the way that I feel about these circumstances.
So eye-opening!!!!!!!!! 👀
Can you relate to any of these examples? The more that I look into it, the more I see how I am not the only person who creates their own stress a majority of the time…by worrying and making things mean so much more than they need to mean.
This leads me to look at these two questions:
1) Am I in control of my thoughts or is my mind in control of me and calling the shots? 🤔
2) And if thoughts produce every single one of our feelings, do we have the power to control our own thoughts and therefore guide ourselves to how we really want to feel? (SPOILER: Yes!!!)
To be continued!!!! Until then:
Imagine how that would be – – whatever stress (or multiple stresses) that you have in your life right now can be released or made better by making a different choice on how to view it, respond to it, and therefore shifting it’s meaning.
The power to do this already resides inside each of us.
Very empowering and powerful, indeed.
👁✨🌏💫🌞
Thank you for being here!!!!! 😊❤️🤗❤️