And I’m not talking about the computer!!
Rather, my Mom’s fiancé is Mac! Well, that’s not his real name but he is an Irishman so his nickname is Mac. Or Mac-a-ro, which is what I tend to call him a majority of the time. A play on “macaroni,” if you will! Sometimes nicknames just emerge and stick, you know??? 🍝 😁
So, my parents got a much-needed divorce about 5 years ago. My “father” was the COMPLETE opposite of kind – – he is a narcissist, which is enough of a description to understand that he was rarely pleasant to be around – – and, over the years, I watched my social-butterfly, vibrant, energetic Mom start to deteriorate spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically. She was becoming like a shell of herself, just trying to survive in an environment where she was constantly belittled and made to feel wrong and unappreciated.
Fast-forward to post-divorce!!! My Mom reunites with Mac, who is a former coworker from back in their teaching days and someone that she hadn’t spoken to in YEARS. Their reconnection was immediate and they started to meet regularly for coffee-and-puzzle dates at Starbucks- – it’s all about doing The NY Times Crossword Puzzle for them! And they would go to Bills games, Sabres games, outings to concerts and restaurants, you name it.
Mac’s good-natured and jocular personality allowed my Mom’s shell to disappear and she came back to life. When they started dating, it had been years since I had heard my Mom laugh like she always does when she’s with Mac!! Their chemistry was, and still is, genuine and undeniable. My Mom deserves to be loved, respected, appreciated and brought to laughter every day. And Mac provides all of that for her, without fail, every single day.
Seriously, there’s nothing like seeing someone you love beyond words so incredibly happy and at peace. Especially after watching that same person struggle through the most insane and unnecessary battles, for decades of her life, with the wrong man at her side. And with someone that was just not capable of being a loving and devoted husband to her. And father to me.
Then, here comes Mac and flips the script for my Mom!! Aren’t they so cute?!?!?
And so, after having the pleasure of getting to know Mac over the past few years, I have learned some life lessons that I would like to share with you!! Maybe you will find them as useful as I do!
Mac Rule #1: Throw it away!!!!!
Mac lives to throw things away because if it’s not in use, why keep it around???? He is known for saying “Rabushka!!” and then throwing said-item(s) in the trash! He does hang on to sentimental items but he mainly lives simply and without a ton of “extra stuff.”
As for me, I have way too much stuff!! I’m still working on adopting the “Rabushka principle” and throwing away/donating things that I rarely, if ever use!
Also, clearing our space is supposed to be very cleansing for the mind and body, too! So that is a great incentive to clean out any clutter that may have crept into our homes over the years!! One small task at a time, right?
Mac Rule #2: If you’re early, you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late. And if you’re late, don’t bother.
OR: Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.
Mac is rarely serious but when he is, it is about work, responsibility, and doing his job to the best of his ability. Accept your responsibilities + properly prepare = SUCCESS!!!!! And he was a Math teacher and still is a Math consultant so this equation fits well!!! 😁
And maaaaaybe I’m not always early….or on time…(though I’m MUCH better than I once was!!)….but I do follow Part 2 as closely as I can. Preparation is the name of the game and such a significant and foundational piece of the success puzzle!!! No matter what we’re working towards!!
Mac Rule #3: It’s not about being perfect, it’s about finishing what you start!
As is, this is incredible advice. Sometimes the desire to be perfect can stop us from even attempting what is in front of us. For fear of failure and not reaching that level of perfection that we expect of ourselves. Yup, that unattainable expectation that ends up holding us back.
In this particular case, I’m actually talking about something a little simpler that helped shift my perspective immensely. See, Mac is a runner but he started running later in life, in his 50’s. Since then, he has run marathons, half-marathons, the Boilermaker 15K race in Utica 15 times, the Turkey Trot about 15 times, and many more.
Here’s Mac at Mile 17, with chicken noodle soup in hand provided by my Mom, during the NYC Marathon in 2018:
And for Mac, he loves participating in these races, pushing himself to his own limits, and reaching that sweet finish line at the end. His intention is not to compete or to get a particular time, just to finish what he starts and cross that line at the end, claiming victory!!!
Well, this was an entirely new concept for me!!!!! To run just for the fun of it and just for the sake of finishing????? You mean, not to train for weeks or months on a strict program and accept nothing less than the best PR time ever by the end of a race??? Huh?!! Doesn’t that just free up the expectations a bit and bring a bit more joy to participating in running races?!?!
And for those non-runners out there, this applies to anything else that we want to accomplish or any goal that we wish to reach!!!! Allowing ease and flexibility as we go, rather than supreme rigidity and those too-high expectations, can make all the difference with the process of getting there. Because the end-goal for both ways is the same: Reaching the target. But we get to choose how we get there.
Sometimes it’s fabulous to push ourselves like maniacs and see “what we’re made of.” Other times, just doing our best, having fun, and not being so hell-bent on perfection while achieving a goal is still self-rewarding and exciting. I’m learning that this really is true and that the most important part is ENJOYING THE PROCESS AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE JOURNEY on the way to our claimed victories and goals met. It’s not just about getting the end-goal.
LASTLY – – – and most importantly – – –
Mac Rule #4: Laugh as much as you can, whenever you can, and as often as you can!!!!!!!!
Mac has the loudest, most booming laugh and he never holds anything back!! Plus he has the best sense of humor and always finds ways to be silly, ridiculous, and absurd. This is a huge reason why he makes my Mom laugh daily!!! He always makes me laugh, too. I shall give you a couple examples.
A few years ago, I came back from a trip and was getting picked up at the airport by my Mom and Mac. And this is the sign that greeted me when I found them at the airport:
And no, I was not in prison, thank you very much! 🤣
AND my Mom has a couple of dinosaurs on the counter to give to her grandsons. Mac decided to add a special touch to the dinosaurs and see how long it took for my Mom to notice:
Notice anything fishy??? 🐠 🐟 😉 Such a fool!!! 😂
It is said that laughter is the best medicine!!! Plus if you’re laughing, you’re releasing stress and having a good time! And I do believe that I tend to take myself too seriously sometimes. Again, my too-high expectations sometimes get in the way of having fun and just enjoying life as is.
Mac serves as my constant reminder to laugh as often as possible, to not take myself so seriously, and to find every opportunity to make someone else smile or laugh, too! Because that’s the kind of company that is so fun to be around!!
You know, I may have lost touch with my “father” years ago and never learned this from him:
But at least I have someone like Mac in my life who makes this very clear, who leads by example, and who lives his life as fully and with as much joy as possible!!
“How about today? I love today! Today works for me!” – – – Says Mac, either with exact words or with his attitude, when it comes to anything that my Mom wants or needs to do each day. 😍
Gotta love LIFE LESSONS À LA MAC!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️