I’m doing my best NOT to get ahead of myself during this third ACL recovery of mine.
No, really, I swear!!! Even though the last couple of times I had my dance career on the line so I definitely had that as incentive to move through PT as quickly as I was allowed….well, that just isn’t the case any more, now is it?
And I would VERY MUCH like this to be my last time going through anything that has the acronym “ACL” included. Unless it is to give my ACLs major acknowledgement and/or an award for their hard work, resilience, bravery, and dedication to doing their diligent and excellent work inside my knees….because both my knees and myself would be incredible honored for THAT recognition. You know, the good kind!!!!! 🥇
So, today, I find myself one day away from starting my 10th week of rehab. I have been consciously and conscientiously staying day-to-day, moving step-by-step, and doing everything that I am advised to do in PT. And then I take those exact-same exercises and do them at home so I can continue the work by myself and hope to keep progressing smoothly each time I go to my PT sessions.
And everything has been extremely smooth and empowering, both in PT and during my at-home workouts!! I’ve been so pleased and encouraged!!!! HOWEVER, during one random moment, about two weeks ago, I had an incidence and it threw me for a loop!!! Quite a few loops…..just call me a box of Fruit Loops, seriously.
Okay, so here is the ridiculous thing that happened. First of all, I was putting on a SHOE. So, right away, you know it was a silly fluke! Secondly, the shoe was on the floor and I was bent over, sliding my foot into the shoe, like I had done multiple times during this very knee recovery!!!
However, as circumstance would have it, I was clearly at a different angle and while I was sliding my foot forward and down into the shoe, my knee BUCKLED. Like, a similar and familiar sensation of my prior ACL tears, except to a much, MUCH lesser degree….but it still felt so awful. I instantly felt nauseous and devastated. And later in the day, my knee was sore and it felt more crunchy than it had in a long time. And of course my mind started to spiral with “what have I done???! How could I have hurt myself putting on my shoe?!?!” Hence, the (fruit) loops!!!!
Thankfully, my PT reassured me that things like this can happen because there is still fluid in my knee, often settled under the knee cap, so there is more instability when the knee is bent. That fluid, plus the downward pressure of putting on my shoe was clearly a bad combination that day!
And even though it viciously threw me off my game for a good week (mentally), it didn’t really disrupt my rehab at all so that helped calm down my nerves and refocus my mind. I was able to bounce right back, not missing a beat, and my physical therapist still assured me that I was and still am ahead of the game by a couple of weeks!! Which is soothing for me, since I’m not actually trying to be ahead AND since the buckling incident made me question a lot of things!! I mean, with all of my aspirations, like running marathons, hiking mountains, and maybe dancing again one day, how is that going to work if putting on my shoe is an issue????? Right???!!!! 😳😫
SO, it’s nice to know that I am still in a good place and still in the top tier of the rehab game just because I keep showing up and doing the work. 👊🏽💥
Ever since the (freakin’) knee buckling scenario, I have changed up and added three very important things into my training regimen. Which I will share with you now, of course! 😃
First, I still LOVE words of inspiration and motivation. And when going through anything tumultuous and challenging, I find that it helps so much to have powerful words that fuel you up, resonate with your spirit, and assist in helping you dig deeper when energy and drive is somewhat lacking…..or when a RIDICULOUS setback comes into the picture, throws you off your game, and you need some motivating words to give you a fresh perspective!! 🙋🏻♀️
This is my newly added mantra and something that has helped give me that extra push, that laser focus, and that revamped perspective after my “Fruit Loop” experience:
Ohhh, all of my aspirations are definitely still intact and I can’t wait to see how close I get to reaching each one of them. And if the comeback is truly stronger than the setback??? Well, my setbacks have their own area code so watch out, world!! My comeback is going to create its own earthquake!! 😁😆💪🏼 It’s just a great visual for me, that I can look forward to a future where I am stronger than where I am and maybe even where I was before.
Secondly, I started to incorporate ice baths into my daily routine, ever since THE shoe. 👟 I realized that I stopped being so particular with icing my knee after doing my workouts at home. Perhaps that wasn’t why my knee buckled or perhaps that is exactly why that happened!! Either way, an ice bath can only help so I have been dedicating at least 10 minutes of every day to sitting in a chilly ice bath…..
…and it actually makes a huge difference!! Yes, it is incredibly uncomfortable in the initial stage of getting in. But then you adjust, you listen to music so you stop focusing on the cold water, (at least, that is what I do!), and 10 minutes actually goes by really quickly. And the best part??? Afterwards, you feel so fantastic! It’s like that amazing after-the-gym feeling, except you also feel refreshed with cold skin! 😉And hey, I figure if I can take 10 minutes a day to help my body flush some inflammation, then I owe it to my body to do just that and it is worth it!
Lastly, I know how important it is to move through this process one step at a time. But I have also realized how important it is to have a future vision and future plans that keep you engaged and excited to keep moving forward. Especially when things are hard and aren’t always that much fun in the now.
Throughout this ACL recovery, I kinda stopped making plans, setting exact goals, and really focusing on anything “future.”
My path is unpredictable, I have no idea what my knees will or will not be able to handle, – – both at the end of PT and afterwards – – and both of these facts make it tricky to feel excited about what the future holds for me. Because I simply do not know.
Now, leaving the future out of the equation is great for staying present and putting my heart & soul into what I’m doing today to help my future self. But I have also recently realized that thinking of the future and where I’d like to be in the coming months is a necessity for my spirit and for my self-motivation, in order to keep wanting to put in the work towards my unpredictable future.
Basically, I realized that I need to get better at being flexible with myself and inviting myself to formulate “plans” that are allowed to be altered and changed down the road if need be. OR to just have loose plans in mind, that allow me to aim in a specific direction but also gives me the space that I might need in case things change during my rehab. Since recovery is far from linear, as we know!!!
Therefore, there have been two developments in terms of “loose plans” for myself! First, this incredible person and friend of mine has a run group that he started a couple of years ago, I believe. And I would love to be a part of this group down the road, if my body allows. So, I reached out to him, knowing and explaining fully that I will not be running any time soon…and he still welcomed me to the group with open arms!!
I had the pleasure of being introduced to the group on Facebook and talking with some of the running members, who were all so kind and welcoming. It gives me such hope, faith, and all the empowering feels that I actually will be able to join them on their running adventures in the coming months. This is something that makes me look forward to the future, both for me and for my abilities. (Fingers and toes, very, very crossed!!)
Secondly, I recently spoke to another friend of mine over the phone – – one that I have known for almost 15 years and who lives in California now. I was actually supposed to visit him last year in March 2020 but because of COVID, that trip got cancelled and we have been waiting to have a redo.
Well, my friend casually asked me, “when will you get clearance to travel?” Which is an excellent question and it really depends on my rehab progress. But then he mentioned having tickets to the musical, ‘Hamilton,’ in Los Angeles in November 2021 and asking how I felt about a trip to Cali, to visit him, and to see this show…..which made me so excited!!!!!
By then, it will be around the 8-month rehab point and I should be going really strong by then! And also, he and I were supposed to see ‘Hamilton’ in March 2020 – – that was a part of our plans together before the entirety of the trip got cancelled – – so, not only would we be having a redo on our visit, but we would also be having a redo on seeing this show together!!! And it is one of my absolute favorites!!
And now this is written in my calendar as a loose but very hopeful plan for the future!! As long as all is going well with my rehab and I am right where I need to be, then I should be able to make a trip to California near the end of the fall. Won’t that be something fantastic to look forward to as I move forward???!!!
The only thing to do now is….
…yes, WERK!!!! And work hard, I shall. With dedication and ice baths!!! 🧊 And I will do my very best to stay in tune with my day-to-day training (and stay present as I put on any and all shoes!!) as well as follow these amazing pointers:
I will also allow myself to dream of the future and what I would love for it to look like. In addition to the “spending time with my friends-running-Hamilton’-travel” thing, of course! 😊 💫🏃🏾♀️🎶 ✈️
Wishing you continued greatness on your own journeys, with full gratitude for you being here. ❤️Thank you!❤️ And here is to all of our future dreams and goals coming true!! 🥂