Dance has been a part of my life, in some way, shape, or form, ever since I was 4 years old. 🎶💃🏼🎵🕺🏽
And then it completely disappeared from my life at the end of 2017. After I ended up half-tearing my left ACL Reconstruction and not knowing how much twisting and turning my knee could take. So, I focused on strength and resistance training, running, biking, and stair-stepping as opposed to dance training, dance classes, Zumba, and any form of improv dance one might do – – like the kind you might do in your kitchen, when your favorite song comes on, or even when something amazing happens and you do a “happy dance!!”
Seriously, once my left ACL Reconstruction was re-injured and half-torn, I just……stopped dancing. In it’s entirety. Which continued on to this present moment…YES, from Fall of 2017 to right now. There’s been a dance-less gap for almost four whole years of my life when my ENTIRE LIFE used to revolve around dance because I loved it so much.
It really is so sad, when I think about it. And this is the first time in quite a while that I actually have sat down and really thought about it. And now I’m sharing these thoughts and reflections with you – – so, thank you for listening! It’s a major part of my journey on this Earth so far so it’s a significant part of my story – – even if it feels like I dreamed it all at this point.
When I reflect on the impact that dance had on my life, this is what comes to mind:
Dance always filled my life with such joy, such passion, such love of movement, and the perfect vehicle to express myself…..and it was where I felt the most like ME. Being my fully authentic self, with my boatloads of energy, my 150% effort, and living fully in the moment with my heart wide open….that happened when I was dancing, creating, and performing in classes or on the big stage.
Which makes perfect sense because:
I definitely danced my heart and soul out, whenever possible!
And I truly miss it. I have felt like a different person without it, ever since I chose to walk away and leave it behind, in order to protect my knee. Perhaps that’s because I am a different person, right? Any traumatic injury or incident changes a person. And ones, plural, that completely eliminate your career, your passion, a love of your life, AND any ones that disrupt your lifestyle and your existence as you once knew it? Well, that creates quite the chaos and controversy in ones life, as I’m sure you can imagine….🧐
So it CHANGES you. It places you in the position of a “rock bottom” so deep, jagged, and lonely…
….from which you then have to figure out how to scrape your way up the crumbling sides, avoiding any sharp protrusions sticking out, and climb to the surface. And it doesn’t stop there! THEN, once you do all of that, you must figure out how to pick up the shattered pieces, rebuild, and rise in a whole new and different way. When your heart wishes to return to something that your body may never be able to do, ever again.
That was me almost 6 years ago. And interestingly enough, I’m STILL picking up various pieces and determining where they go. I’m STILL trying to figure me out and where I’m going, so that I can be as fulfilled as I once was when dance was my life AND so I can best serve my community in a fitness and wellness capacity. This whole process and everything that has happened since dance slipped away is uncanny and still so hard to believe, even though I lived through it all!!
The nice thing is that I have never felt as buried, lost, and hopeless as I did when I was overwhelmed and unsuccessfully climbing my “dried-up well metaphor,” six years ago. Which is pretty good considering that I have battled three more surgeries, including another ACL Reconstruction, since then!!
I guess one could say that the dried-up wells that I kept falling into over the past six years kept getting more shallow, the more that I learned and researched and the more aware I became of my mind-body-spirit and this ACL injury!!!
And I have been consistently researching more and applying all that I have learned along my ~8-year knee journey to my current ACL rehab. Which is actually going really well now!!!!! HOORAY!!
I just entered Month 4 of the recovery process and things are starting to get interesting! I’m doing more neuromuscular training, like the Agility Ladder and Single-Leg Med Ball Wall Throws to test my form and alignment – – which is super exciting BECAUSE it is the starting prep work that is leading me towards the attempt at jogging on this revision ACL Reconstructed knee of mine. And I’m excited and nervous and so hopeful that my knee continues to feel as good as it does so that I really can return to running and sprinting, (at least!!), one day!!
And oh, baby, if I can get back to the strength, stability, power, and confidence to run like a champ with no issues??? Well, then who’s to say that I won’t be able to slowly work my way back to a dance class of some sort?!?!?! Which would be magnifico!!!
So even if dance will never resume its central spot in my life again, I will be so grateful to have it in a partial spot in my life! So that I can reconnect to something that I used to love so much. So that I can enjoy moving again and how it always made me feel so free, so energized, and so ME. So that I no longer have to separate myself and be away from dance in my attempts to protect my knees.
You know, so I can dance joyfully and carefree as if no one is watching!!! 😃 I do hope that I will be able to find that sense of ease while dancing once again. ❤️❤️
Well, you know what they say!!! Time (and my discipline, my full effort, my attention-to-detail focus, and my consistent training and PT schedule 😉) will tell if this will be possible for me at some point in the future! I will be sure to let you know the update with this jogging thing and how Month 4 and all this potential excitement pans out!
Please keep those fingers crossed for me and send me those magical good-energy vibes as I discover what my knees can do! And let’s make a pact that this is what we shall do when presented with any of life’s challenges:
Let’s shake on it!! 😃 So, we’ll embrace the challenges and invite them to make us stronger, wiser, and better versions of ourselves. 🤝 DONE!!!! 🤩🧡💛🤩💛🧡🤩