So, I was thinking about birthdays.
Mainly because I just recently celebrated a birthday of my own! 🎂🎈🎁
And I was thinking about the feeling behind birthdays. You know, like if we get overly excited about our birthday and imagine what we’ll do for our birthday month, our birthday week, and especially our REAL birthday DAY!! Or, if a birthday reminds us of our age so we lack the enthusiasm we once had and prefer to “not make it a big deal.” Or if we just feel so grateful that we get to celebrate a birthday at all so every new year is a joy and a blessing, no matter the age! Perhaps it could even be a combo of these: Feeling so grateful for the arrival of our special day AND also feeling SO HAPPY to celebrate our 25th Birthday (or whichever age we choose!!) again…and again…and again!!!!! Why not?!?! 🥳😁♥️
It’s our trip around the sun, right?? And we get to choose what brings us joy, which direction we’d like our journey to take, and how we wish to spend our time!
Well, I have always looked forward to my birthday with a big smile on my face!! Yet, this year, as my birthday was approaching, my smile was significantly overshadowed by this looming phenomenon: a countdown.
Approximately a month-long countdown until the second attempt at an ACL Reconstruction on my left knee. This surgery that I have been waiting for, for almost a year, because of the COVID unpredictability and uncertainty.
And though I still do not have a SET date yet, I am aiming for the middle-ish part of March 2021 to have this procedure completed.
And I am totally twisted by how I feel about this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On one hand, I am SO READY to have it done, successful, and behind me so that I can begin the healing process and work towards regaining my full activity-driven life!!!!!!!!
And then…..
On the other hand, I. Am. TOTALLY TERRIFIED!!!!!!!!! It is such a daunting and intimidating surgery and recovery, that requires timing, consistency, dedication, training and retraining of the entire mind-body-soul connection, and a whole lotta PATIENCE – – with a recovery that I was told “could take up to 12-18 months to complete….”
Since this is not my first ACL Reconstruction.
Nor my second.
Nope, it will be my third ACL Reconstruction and the second one on my left leg, which is why the “slow and steady” method will be applied to my recovery and take me potentially longer than the usual protocols.
NO JOKE.
Whoooooooooaaaaa…..and 12-18 months is quite a long time. That, this freakin’ surgery, (UGH!!!), and everything this surgery means with regards to me getting back to the activities that I love…..that is A LOT to take in, you know? Talk about a massive time commitment, health commitment, and self commitment!!!! (A.K.A. A mental overload!!!!!)
And I have known that it was going to be this complex and intense for the past year, of course – – As I sat by, trained, and patiently-as-possible waited until my surgery could actually become a possibility. Now that it’s finally here, and all of these many hardcore details are coming to mind like line drives down a baseball field, smack dab into my brain…..well, perhaps you can imagine why my mind was more centered on prepping for this surgery and everything it entails rather than on the fact that my birthday was almost here!!! ⚾️
I don’t want to do it but I want to do it.
❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓
Seriously!!!!! Another ACL Reconstruction is THE LAST thing that I want to do and yet, it’s the only thing that will get me closer to where I want to be. Which means that I want to do it! 😜
Wanna know what this means???????
THAT I NEED TO EMBRACE MY FEAR.
Because no matter what I do from here or how prepared I am before surgery – – and I plan to get as prepped and ready to rock as humanly possible, of course – – I will be anxious and carrying a good chunk of fear with me! Oooooh, the mental game is the biggest challenge of this particular surgery, by far. And I have definitely upped my mental game over the past year, to try and get a handle on the mental gymnastics that I will undoubtedly face. Yet, fear will still be a factor. With any surgery, with any recovery, and, in my case, when the function of my knee is resting on this successful procedure and recovery, fear will most certainly be a factor.
SO, how do we embrace fear? Since fear is a natural and common emotion that creeps up as a warning, as something we’re afraid of, or as something that challenges us and tests us – – encouraging us to step up and show up.
Allow me to list some reminders for us to review!! So we can conquer fear, when the situation presents itself (and it’s beneficial for us to stay) which means we dig in and stand tall EVEN IF our entire being is begging us to run away. Because we can do this.
Here we go!!!
CONQUER FEAR #1
Remember that every single person on the planet has fear and is therefore fearful, not fearless. What matters is what we do in the face of our own fears.
Ryan Holiday, who has a podcast and a bestseller book titled the “The Daily Stoic,” says that:
“Everyone is fearful, not fearless, but successful beings embrace the fear. They take it with them by acknowledging it, not avoiding it, and they don’t let it hold them back.”
Embrace the fear, acknowledge it, and do it anyways.
CONQUER FEAR #2:
For me, movement is life. And right now, I am limited with what I can do with my body and with my movement. And I have been limited in various ways over the past 7.5 years – – talk about feeling stuck!! Sometimes, the only way to break through to the other side, is to choose the option that challenges us the most (personal growth, change…..all of the above plus SURGERY!!), knowing that the risk, which can take us closer to our visions, far outweighs the certainty of staying stuck and giving up.
CONQUER THE FEAR #3
Learn as much as we can about the fear(s) that we have and/or the fear that is holding us back.
This brings more clarity into our consciousness and gives us more information about what we are facing and why it makes us fearful. Sometimes, the fear in our heads is far worse than the actual fear itself!! So, doing research and trying to understand as much as possible can serve to organize the details, bring more awareness and limit the surprises, and help us find some semblance of confidence surrounding this fear.
Which will totally assist us when we finally crush the fears in front of us!!!!!
Here is one of my resources for prepping for surgery and learning as much as possible about my fear. It was one of my fabulous birthday presents (thank you, my Kathy!!!) and something that will be such a useful tool during my many stages of recovery!!
CONQUER FEAR #4
We have to believe that we can overcome our fear and find success. NO MATTER WHAT. No matter how hard it is, no matter how many restarts we have, no matter how many curveballs we endure, no matter how long it goes…..we must believe that victory is INEVITABLE. Because if we do not believe that we can make it, our brain will find every reason and every excuse to limit the success. It will not search for every resource to help us reach that success.
The only way to make it to the opposite side of fear is through the optimistic mindset that we possess. That is key!!! 🔑
CONQUER FEAR #5
This is the inner work that I have mentioned for many blogs now. To get to know ourselves and the burdens we carry, especially if they are deep-seated, within our subconscious mind, and therefore buried within the tissues of our body. Emotions, shame, and trauma can find a home in our mind and in our bodies. And if we do not put in the work to release these negative and heavy emotions, then it doesn’t leave much room for new experiences, fresh starts, and, for me, positive outcomes post-surgery.
This is a huge one for me and something that I have been intently focusing on for the past year. Because it is said that our mental blocks and past traumas stay with us, increasing the chances of repeating the same mistakes and hardships and INJURIES….unless we take the time to release them and let them go. And after 7.5 years of an injury loop, I definitely choose to LET LOTS OF STUFF GO. And I will keep putting in the work every day to make that happen.
CONQUER FEAR #6
Knowing that nothing ever grows in the comfort zone, let this be a reminder to us to seek the ways we can step outside the comfort zone. Choose the tightrope. Challenge ourselves, break through barriers, remind ourselves that we are badass, and work to face the fear that may be standing in our way. What if everything we dream of is just beyond that fear???
Work to push past that fear, claim that self-satisfaction, keep reaching beyond our imaginations, and always choose the tightrope, when given the chance. 😊
AND LASTLY – –
CONQUER FEAR #7:
When in doubt, live by Will Smith’s brilliant motto:
Darn straight!!!!!! If we can’t beat the fear, even after following a list like “CONQUER FEAR # 1-6” above, then we just buckle down and DO IT SCARED. When we know it will be worth it, when we know that it will change us for the better, when we know it will push us to be better and stronger and more resilient…..we embrace the fear and do it scared.
That’s my definite take away from this list!!! That no matter what, I will do whatever it takes to overcome my circumstances and this lengthy recovery. And you best be believing that I will be doing it scared and determined!!!!
And so, though my brain was plagued by anxiety, worry, and fear over this looming surgery that is coming closer every day, I created this list after finding these helpful quotes and resources. And it really did help to ease my mind and calm the fear. I mean, with this empowering list called “CONQUER FEAR”, it has to help, right?!?! 😁
Plus, my birthday was truly spectacular!! I ended up smiling all day long, as I received phone calls, texts, messages, birthday songs, photos, flowers, amazing desserts, incredible and thoughtful gifts, and had a small dinner celebration with my Mom, Stepdad, and an incredible family friend (my Karen!!)!!! An extraordinary day, where I felt very spoiled, loved, and celebrated. Thank you to everyone who was a part of making it as perfect as it was.
🥰♥️🥰💖🥰💜🥰💚🥰♥️🥰💖🥰💚🥰💜
And now, it is back to the grind of focused surgery prep and all the research I can do to have a smooth and proper recovery!!!! One month-ish countdown, here I come!!!!
Until then, here is the plan:
-Embrace the fear
-Choose personal growth and change over remaining stuck where we don’t belong
-Find resources to get a stronger handle on the fear at hand
-Believe wholeheartedly in the outcome that we desire
-Declutter the mind and let go of the burdens we carry
-Meander outside the comfort zone whenever possible
-Trust ourselves and just do it scared
Take THAT, Fear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And here is my message to YOU, my amazing readers:
That’s me, looking at YOU!!!! 👀
Because you do. And even if you don’t have a furry friend beside you on this journey, like this nice woman on my inspirational gift card, Master Nobie is always here for moral support!!!
Nobie!!!!!!
And he believe in you, too, just like me!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!!! The tightrope is waiting. 😊♥️🔆🥂💫😊♥️🔆🥂💫😊