I have always been proud of my ambitious nature.
Ambition is defined as:
A strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work.
Since I can remember, I have always felt this pull and this impetus to complete tasks, fully and completely, as well as to work for something “more.” Whether that meant working on myself, to get stronger and fitter, or to work on jobs, school/education requirements, or any outside factors that would move me forward in the grand scheme of my visions.
I have always loved the feeling of accomplishing something that I worked hard to fulfill and of achieving something that first appeared challenging and perhaps even intimidating.
Who doesn’t, right?!?!
I often pictured myself as a machine that could be stretched, molded, and shaped to fit the circumstances in front of me, so that I could adapt and flourish within the environment that I found myself. Even if my present circumstances were far from easy and even if I struggled and it took everything that I had to stay focused, I still found empowerment, drive, and grit to carry on and to persevere. No matter how loaded the odds seemed stacked against me.
And I always saw that fortitude as my fire within. This ambitious fire!! 🔥 This flame that appeared when I felt compelled to try something new, when I faced an obstacle, and when I sought the path of my dreams and the visions I held most dear. I used to see it as the driver of my passion and of the list of goals that I aspired to accomplish.
And I viewed it in such a positive light because it created such sparks in me that led me to achieve everything, if not the upper echelon of targets, that I put my heart and soul into attaining.
HOWEVER……
I have since realized that I was mistaken. 😐 And deep down, I really knew this for quite some time but I refused to look at it close enough to acknowledge it.
THEN, once I seriously began to focus on my mind, my inner work, and my pattern of thinking that has contributed (slightly or in full) to my prior knee catastrophes, it has become clear:
That my driver of ambition was not this passion-filled fire and it was certainly not positive….
Rather, it was self-loathing with a nasty critical eye that was the driver of my ambitions, (“was” being the operative word! I’ve come a long way since then, promise!!!). And when I finally accepted and acknowledged this truth, I refused to look away. There is power in being aware of and confronting a truth like this – – no matter how daunting and heavy it is.
It dawned on me that I was always pushing to BE MORE and to DO MORE because I believed that I was not enough as is. And if I happened to “like” what I saw or what I did….such as if I was proud of myself for something great that I achieved…..well, yeah, but it could ALWAYS be better, couldn’t it?! So, that contentment was temporary and fleeting as I searched for “more” and “what else should I do now?” I never really allowed myself to take it in, appreciate the progress, and feel satisfied in what I was really creating.
I also constantly pushed myself to reach perfection in all areas. And felt immense disappointment every time that I fell short, of course, but my critical lens used the disappointment and the current “failures” as evidence that I wasn’t enough and reason to keep pushing.
If our own mentality is telling us that we’re not enough or not good enough, then our brain will create and/or seek out proof that this is valid…even if we end up sabotaging ourselves in the process.
And for me looking back, it seemed like I was often coming from a place of “LACK.” As if something was always missing and I was trying to fill that void with my 3+-hour training sessions, my perfect A’s, my amazing jobs, my various achievements…And though I felt joy and appreciation in the moment or within a collection of moments, it would be replaced shortly after by “nope, you can do more, why aren’t you farther, what’s next, be better, ugly….”
My inner voice used to not be so kind.
Here is what I have since learned. That there is a tremendous difference between the ambitious drive that one feels when powered by self-love, creativity, and the positive vibes that growth and pushing our limits can provide…..VS. the ambitious drive that one feels when powered by lack, disappointment, and not feeling good enough.
On the former side, we love and appreciate where we are and who we are yet we enjoy the effort put forth to be greater and to achieve greatness. Our happiness now, presently, fuels our ambitions in a joyful way. Whereas, on the latter side, we despise where we are and who we are so our very effort is put forth specifically to change how we feel because we are not happy with ourselves now. So this negative energy is fueling the ambitions from a place of “not enough” with a hope that in the future we will be enough.
And the dangerous part is that the negative side has no real end point because within that “LACK” framework, rarely will we finally be content and happy with ourselves. It’s a constant quest to fill our unhappiness…yet happiness is an inner state that the outside world can’t fill for us. So our relentless searching for ways to feel “enough” can make us override our body’s messages, where we continually push more and more and more, until our body finally pushes back. Like my knee did, when I injured it for the first time. I had no stopping point in mind but my knee most certainly did. 😳
It’s important to know which side you’re on:
Do you operate from a place of abundance or a place of lack? Is your ambition being driven by the YAY‘s of positivity, self-love, and the good feelings that come from working towards something that you want to achieve? OR is your ambition being driven be the BOO‘s of negative thinking, self-disapproval, and the hatred and/or disappointment of your current circumstances?
THIS IS HUGE, I assure you!!!!
It makes a difference with how you relate to your dreams and your goals, how you feel each day, how you progress towards or struggle with the process, (of goal/dream seeking….and of life, itself), how lasting your results will be, how joyful (or temporarily okay) you will find yourself as you move forward… it truly seeps into everything you do, think, and feel when you’re working on achieving that “something.”
When you have an abundance mindset, there is a foundation of love and “having enough,” so that anything more is a bonus. This thinking opens doors, windows, cracks, and pinholes of opportunity because we are open to receiving all the good things, from wherever they come.
Whereas a lacking mindset often has a foundation of impatience, disgust/unhappiness, and “not having enough,” that involves ONE partially opened door that is constantly and unpredictably moving. It is A LOT harder to get through in the “lacking mindset” scenario!! With rigid thinking, there are far fewer opportunities catching our attention because we are so fixated on the one complicated door and we tend to not see anything else. And we expect this one “hard-to-get-through” door to be the end-all-be-all to our answers, prayers, and/or happiness…..
Yet, if we DO happen to get through this wiley door – – which I have done many times in my life – – we find more and more malfunctioning doors that we try to squeeze through. Until one day, the door either doesn’t open at all or it closes right on us and stops us in our tracks!! The lacking mindset can only take us so far. And for me, it took me to a career-ending injury.
The best part is that you can become aware of your ambition driver and change who is at the wheel, if need-be!! It is never too late to stop, gain awareness, and then work to shift your mindset to a state that works on your behalf. No more self-sabotage, self-destruction, and searching for reasons why we “can’t do” something. Because, remember, if we look, we will always find something that supports our views. INSTEAD, search for why it DOES matters, why we CAN accomplish it, why we ARE enough and deserving of these dreams and goals, and then celebrate all the small successes along the way.
Because the small steps turn into the big steps over time!!! #TRUTH
Where do you want to be a year from now??
For me, I want to be completing my third and final ACL Reconstruction rehab (because it shall take about a year, at least to complete) and running and strength training like a pro!! 😃 🏃🏻♀️💪🏼
Therefore, we must make the choices NOW that will serve us well THEN. And make then with kindness, patience, understanding, and support in all circumstances, even if something doesn’t go according to plan. We won’t be perfect at this, (because that is impossible!!! I get it now!! 🤪) though we can do our best to stay open, expect the unexpected, and make the choices that get us back on track WHEN we fall off the plan. And then we KEEP ON GOING!!!! ➡️➡️➡️➡️➡️➡️
As I prep for my knee surgery next week, I remind myself of these very things!!! That I appreciate myself and how hard I have worked up until now and I acknowledge my resiliency and my progress thus far. AND, at the same time, I strive to be better, fitter, and stronger after this knee surgery because I get to re-do, rebuild, and properly rehab my body so that it may function optimally once again. Leading with love and appreciation to get me to my vision of being my best and strongest self instead of hating on myself and having that be my influencer to get this surgery and fix my useless self……can you feel the energy shift between the two mentalities?? One is very full yet oh so light and the other is dark and depleting.
Thankfully, I am past the dark and depleting BOO ambition driver!!!! He was fired a few years ago, though he sometimes does still try to get his job back. (So sneaky…👺) And now, I focus on my light and expansive YAY ambition driver that fuels my passion, my hard work, and my drive from within and helps me set the stage for success.
Then, you beautiful beings, once our beneficial ambition driver is set and ready to deliver, all we gotta do is get into the persistence vehicle and:
Go for it with all our heart, try for it with all our might, embrace the process and experiences along the way, and claim every single success along the way!!!!
Let’s not forget to keep our sights open for those doors, windows, crack, and pinholes of opportunity that show up, too!! 😉😃😍
🚪♥️💪🏼🪟🔘✨♥️🪟💪🏼✨🔘🚪♥️💪🏼🪟