Last week, I started my thoughts (and ramblings) about the detriment of poor communication skills in relationships. And how THAT, mixed with very judgmental views and the inability to express ones thoughts and feelings, is equal to a very RANCID smell. That is corrosive. And also destructive. For all beings involved, both directly and indirectly…
I called that noxious mixture a 💩-storm more than once in last week’s post because it really and truly is!!!
And now I shall continue my thoughts (ramblings) with this sequel, Part 2!! To talk it out with you about WHY this communication 💩-storm can be a thing, how it may affect all parties, and also to bring awareness into the mix to hopefully prevent as many communication dumpster fires in our lives as possible, from here on in!! Or at least the attempt will be made, which has to count for something!!! Because….
Okay, let’s start with some reasons why communication gets tricky or avoided or strained or completely cut off….
And in order to do that, we need to look at what is needed for good communication and therefore a meaningful exchange between two (or more) people!!
FIRST: In order for there to be good, solid communication happening, BOTH parties need to be honest, be open to having the discussion AND having an open mind about the topic at hand, and both parties need to engage in the conversation – – with attention and consideration, at the very least.
Let’s break this first one down a moment. Being honest, being open, speaking one’s truth and one’s emotions….that takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to make that possible. And that’s not easy stuff.
And it’s quite easy to run or hide from this feeling of being vulnerable and actually allowing the rawest version of ourselves to be seen.
Imagine if someone is fighting being vulnerable and therefore refuses to open up or be truthful about how they feel. Well, then they remain caged up and bothered by their undisclosed reasons – – which continue to fester and grow and get more overwhelming – – WHILE the other person is left in the dark by these undisclosed reasons – – confused and anxiety-ridden and frustrated. See how the 💩- storm builds??
Both parties start to get swallowed by these very different waves of the storm, the communication between the two parties drowns some more, and everything proceeds to get and feel worse for them both. And all because one party was unable, or even fearful of, being vulnerable enough to express and reveal their thoughts and reasons.
SECOND: Both parties need to LISTEN to each other, in order to really hear where the other person is coming from. Though this is often not the case:
Especially during hard conversations, defenses are up, adrenaline is on, and the only listening going on is to hear the words that can be used as a rebuttal. This is often a “selective listening” tactic, where someone listens ONLY FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF DEFENDING THEIR OWN PERSPECTIVE. Rather than hearing ALL the words of the other person and actually trying to understand what is being said.
And in a conversation like that? It goes NOWHERE. It simply can’t. Because one party doesn’t feel heard, no matter how vulnerable and open they are, and the other party is trying to validate their own point of view, no matter what is being said. It’s a serious black hole in the communication attempt because the listening factor, the lifeline of communication, is barely there…
Which is A LOT like running in circles and always coming back to square one!
Talk about a lot of wasted time and wasted breath!!! No forward progression can ever be made, understanding is rarely, if ever, reached, and BOTH parties can be equally aggravated by an interaction like this. It doesn’t really work out well for either side.
THIRD: It’s so important to enter into an important conversation and actually want to open the door to learning something more, gain clarity, connect or reconnect with the other party, or to search for some common ground from which to grow.
And this can be nearly impossible for the beings who absolutely despise change.
Those that believe it’s their way or the highway. Or the ones who stand by the “I’ve always done it this way” or “this is what I was taught” mentality. Those with zero desire to even consider another option. And those who are stuck in their ways or trapped in their minds because they don’t want to see any other possibilities.
With such a limited perspective, progress and forward momentum becomes so limited, if not nonexistent.
BECAUSE when we allow ourselves to see possibilities, well, that just gives us more options, doesn’t it?? Which means more choices. Which means that there MAY be other ways to do something or see something…..which also means that the original way is no longer the “only way” or even the best way….
THEREFORE, to ponder options means to open the mind, to think a little deeper, to use more effort, to take more time, and maybe to learn something in the process!! Which could very well contradict our original thoughts. And when that happens…..
Now we must do a little introspection and decide what to do with this new information: which could be to admit we made a mistake, alter a perception, think differently about a certain scenario, or even change our mind completely about the original way!!
It takes a lot more effort, patience, and a willingness to be wrong, doesn’t it?? And each of these elements can be extraordinarily challenging and require a lot of internal work.
And it seems like some beings just don’t want to put in that energy to revamp their views, even if they’re living or believing a lie.
Perhaps their mind is closed off and they have no desire to expend the energy it would take to change it. Or no interest in discovering that something they believe is invalid or incorrect. Maybe they built other views on top of this inaccurate perspective so unveiling the inaccuracies would make the entire thing crumble like a house of cards falling down.
That could leave someone grasping for straws, like the floor disappeared underneath their own feet. Not a pleasant feeling, indeed – – I’m sure we can all understand that and potentially see a glimpse of why someone might want to stubbornly and protectively hold onto their limited beliefs with all of their might.
Other possibilities: Some beings don’t want to be wrong so they’d prefer to stay right where they are, since any investigation into the unknown could uncover facts that they don’t want to see or know. OR maybe they fervently prefer the comfort of their original thoughts to the daunting world of change and what any change would do to their personal bubble on this planet.
Whatever the reason, a being that closes themselves off from change, stays in their tunnel and cuts themselves off from all other possibilities with the help of major blinders. And these beings remain stagnant and unavailable for meaningful communication, for many of the other reasons listed in this post, too! Because:
So, if one’s mind chooses to be blind to all other possibilities, then the chances of them being open, vulnerable, available to receive, able to really listen, and ready to connect to another different-minded being is slim to none. Which means “bye-bye communication” and the chance to have a fulfilling and progress-driven conversation.
It’s a huge issue when each significant piece of communication is hindered or gone. And when all the pieces of communication that we spoke of today are empty, broken, and lacking….like if all of the examples we spoke about in this post were happening all at once ……Welcome to the 💩-show!! Or 💩-storm, whatever you think fits best! 😛
Without a doubt, it takes a ton of courage, patience, and integrity, to show up, ready to REALLY LISTEN and be available to another person’s views, mindset, beliefs, and feelings. To have a valuable conversation that leads to a deeper connection, a true understanding, or a resolve of some kind.
Yes, it’s a lot of work. Yes, it can be really challenging. And YES, it is so worth it!!!!!
It’s unbelievable when you find someone (or a lot of someone’s, I hope!!) who can exhibit all of the pieces of communication. Where you feel seen and heard. Where there is an intelligent discussion that leads to change or improvement or a major shift for the better.
And it’s even more unbelievable when both parties or multiple parties are able to do that for each other!!!
Okay, so…..TALK!!! That’s what we must do!! Continue to learn, practice, and master the art of communication, how to express ourselves to the best of our ability, and how to fully listen to others. All while being super aware of the tunnel vision mentality, fear of change, and all the other reasons that may stifle communication with the people in our lives. Because it’s crucial to remember that:
And if we want to hold onto special and meaningful relationships, then good communication (with ALL of it’s layers) is an absolute necessity. ❤️❤️❤️ Especially if we wish to prevent as many communication dumpster fires as we can!!!
Thanks so much for hanging out with me and my ramblings on this important topic! And I will TALK with you next time, with the best communication skills that I can offer, promise!! 😃