Our past is our written story. Our memories. Our experiences. What we learned, developed, transpired, culminated, and what flowed together and/or grew apart in order for us to be here at this moment. Our past is so significant in these ways.
Our past is who we WERE that allowed us to arrive at this place, where we ARE now.
Our past has already happened and we have already lived it. All of it. Done.
Or is it???
For those of us that have a part of our past that is disturbing and possibly still haunting us in the present….🙋🏻♀️……I’m here to talk it out so that we can start shifting our perspective away from the past hardships. Away from the past visions that we reconstruct and allow to ooze into our everyday existence….which may very well impact the course of our future lives.
I listened to one of my favorite podcasts, Brook Castillo and The Life School Podcast, and she often speaks about the past and how so many of us give the past so much power over our lives.
Again, yes. Yes, I do. As much as I continue working on releasing that crappola!!!! 💩
See, Brook Castillo speaks about how the past is finished, yet so many of us choose to continue thinking about it and recreating the story of our past like a punishment to ourselves. And since the past is done, all we have left is this story about it and this memory from when this past event happened. That’s it.
Eckhart Tolle has said: ” The past has no power over the present moment.” Because the past is over. The only power it has over us is the power we give it, by our thoughts about it.
Thinking about it now, harping on it now, continuously getting upset/angry/frenzied about it now, does absolutely nothing but affect our present. It can do nothing to change our past because the past has already happened and there is NOTHING that can be done to change it.
I know this is logical and we can all recognize that this is true. However, I also know that it still doesn’t make it easy to accept or easy to make peace with the past to which we cling.
Brilliant minds, like Brook Castillo, Eckhart Tolle, and Pema Chödrön, share this cumulative perspective that the events of our past were supposed to be a part of our journey. Because they DID happen on our journey and fighting them now won’t erase their happening.
Continuing on with these thoughts, the past served it’s purpose for us, in all of it’s radiant and nightmare glory, because we are here. We made it through. Every step was necessary in order to get us here, right now. Why? Because it happened the way that it did and we are here now – – – which means that it couldn’t have happened any other way…..
It’s interesting to come from that perspective, isn’t it?
Interesting because even if we get uptight and frazzled about thinking that a tragic or traumatic event in our life was “supposed to happen,” it still DID happen, ya know? Being mad about it afterwards still doesn’t change what happened. It’s more creating resistance to what has already happened, in an act of denial or being unable to accept what has happened…….isn’t it?
Resisting the past….fighting with the past in our heads….looking at a past event from every angle trying to understand what happened, what went wrong, why it happened in the first place….these nagging thoughts…..
Whoa, with all of that mind confusion happening in our heads, how much of the present moment are we missing? 🤔
And you know how sometimes we may replay a past incident in our mind over and over again, wondering what we could have done differently and whether or not that would have changed the outcome? Wow, does this create such excessive stress from reliving the devastation on repeat!!!!
PSSSSSST……this is purely SELF-created, by the way. 🤫 We are choosing to obsessively think about the past because we are unhappy/ripped apart/grief-stricken with what happened….but again, no matter how much we dissect that past event and beat ourselves up for how it all went down, we will never be able to change what happened. So, our obsessive thoughts about this dark time gets more deeply embedded in our psyche, wasting unnecessary energy and erasing the enjoyment of today, without making any progress with regards to our past.
Because it is literally Mission Impossible, to have our thoughts today about our past do something to actually change the past itself. It’s similar to an eaten sandwich or a torn up piece of paper. Even if we regurgitated the sandwich (a tantalizing image, I know… 🥪) or taped the torn paper back together, the outcome will never identically match that exact sandwich before we ate it or that exact piece of paper before we tore it. Yes, we can make a NEW sandwich or get a NEW piece of paper but the original sandwich and paper are gone now. They are in the past, where there is no amount of magic or tape that will reverse time and allow us to relive those moments and change our interaction with that sandwich and with that paper. It’s done.
Now, let’s chat for a moment about the future.
Everything we choose today sets us up for a time in the future. Life is an accumulation of tiny and big choices, taking us in a certain direction OR keeping us feeling stuck in a standstill. Not choosing to do something is still a choice, don’t forget that.
Whatever we are not changing, we are choosing…..That. Is. DEEP!!!!! And oh so true, for whatever is happening in our life that we “accept” and refuse to change. Or refuse to TRY to change. Even if we believe that those particular things can “never” be changed – – we are still choosing them.
With regards to our past, if our past still troubles us and we do nothing to change why this is true for us, then we are choosing to have our past continue to make us miserable now. Because we have made the choice to continue thinking about the past in this negative and denial-soaked way and not doing anything to change how we perceive it and therefore how it makes us feel.
Believe it or not, Master Life Coach Tony Robbins looks at all negative circumstances and asks: “what is great about this problem?”
How often do we put the words “great” and “problem” in the same sentence?????? Maybe when speaking about a great big problem!!!!! Perhaps not looking at what’s positive about the problem at hand….generally, problems tend to be quite sucky!!
However…..
What if we COULD attempt to look at our past in this open, constructive, and teachable way? Rather than punishing ourselves for not doing enough to prevent that past event, we instead choose to see it as: a learning experience, a building block of our character, a way to help others, and/or a phenomena that taught us a valuable lesson or that showed us how strong we truly are because we overcame the strife. What was and is great about that troubling past event?
Because whether we see it as a permanent flaw in our character, making us forever damaged, OR we see it as something that can teach us something invaluable, the past stays the same. It is our present that gets influenced by the negative or positive perspective. This then causes us to make choices, with this positive or negative mindset, which in turn influences the direction of our future.
In addition, if we make choices from that negative mindset, it often feels like we fear the future. We’re on guard, apprehensive, and waiting for the other shoe to drop all of the time. But is it the future that creates such unease for us??
Take a look at this quote from T.W.W., which hits me like a ton of bricks!! 🧱 🧱 🧱 🧱 🧱 🧱
Whoa……..
Ummmmm, yeah, this is ACCURATE. <gulp> Can you relate?
For me, I do feel like I am reliving my past because I am awaiting yet another surgery. And as much as I have been preparing myself for a third ACL Reconstruction – – mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically – – I am still terrified to go through it again, with history seemingly repeating itself. And of course I have some people in my life that ask, “is it worth it to have it done? What if it gets retorn again and you might need a 4th one or a 5th one…..” 😳☹️😒😳 That doesn’t help, I assure you. Because thinking about the past repeating itself, which, for me, is endless ACL ruptures, FREAKS ME OUT. And makes me nauseous. And like I want to crawl into bed and never move again.
However, why does it have this reaction on me? Because I am pulling stories from my past knee experiences into my present moment and freaking about things that have already happened. That’s not so productive, is it? Especially because every single pre-surgery condition of my knee has been different and this time is no exception. And I’m still unable to see into the future, (such a fail, I know!! I’m working on that…😉) so expecting this future surgery/recovery to be identical to my past crappy-Mc-crappy experiences is quite foolish. And it doesn’t serve me in the slightest bit!
I’m trying to train myself to use my experiences as a guide for this upcoming surgery and recovery without getting crazed about the things that went wrong in my past. That can only help me get through this ordeal easier, without the weight of the past on my shoulders.
SIDE STORY: I have an upcoming appointment with a new Orthopedic Surgeon, to talk about my situation, figure out my status, (and if any parts of my knee have healed themselves!!!!! Remember that I’m a walking healing experiment!!!!!!!), and discuss my best options for surgery. To be continued!! I will surely keep you informed. 😊
And by the way, when someone asks me about having more and more ACL tears and more surgeries in my future, I just say that I will always do whatever it is that I need to do to be well and to live the life that I love. Which means getting a third ACL Reconstruction and doing everything in my power to never need another one. Now, is that realistic, for me to never need another ACL Reconstruction after going through almost three of them???? I HAVE NO IDEA AT THIS POINT. Regardless, I choose to believe that miracles can happen and that includes stopping my knee injury loop and getting back to my favorite activities!!! That’s all I can do: BELIEVE.
Because:
And it is meant to be lived – – fully, with no regrets, with no harm to others, and with our own best interest in mind.
And our best interest is served by not getting steamrolled by our past on a daily or weekly basis, wouldn’t you agree? Let’s take a look at a potential checklist to start shifting away from the autopilot that brings our past relentlessly to the forefront of our mind:
◽️Understand why the past is so troublesome.
◽️Accept that it happened and that it is a part of the story that makes us who we are.
◽️Realize that we no longer have any responsibility with regards to the past, except to learn from it and to allow our past experiences to enhance our awareness.
◽️Release ourselves from the blame and burden of the happenings of the past.
◽️Find a way to thank the past, for all of the lessons learned and all the ways that our past experiences added character and dimension to our personas.
◽️Let go of any piece of our past that we’ve been holding onto. No matter how small (or how gigantic) and no matter what it is, try to loosen our grip on it and work to let it go. It takes effort, it takes practice, it takes patience…it is not supposed to be easy.
◽️Remind ourselves that we can handle what comes next AND/OR choose something uplifting to focus our attention on – – like on redirecting our energies to remember the good memories that we have. And the great future memories that we haven’t made yet.
◽️REPEAT
Perhaps it feels like an impossible ask to read through this checklist and imagine actually doing it- – – it’s “great in theory,” or “easier said than done”….I get it. Yet, how would it feel to be able to acknowledge past events and tell stories about them AND NOT be consumed and plagued by them for days/months/years? And to train ourselves to put our efforts into thoughts that make us feel good as opposed to the thoughts that sink us to the bottom?
Harboring the past has a detrimental effect on the life we wish to live, lead, and create, both in the present and in the future. Building on that awareness is imperative to freeing us from the constraints of the past. And not letting our past dictate the choices that we make today.
Because we all deserve a wonderful future. 💯% ‼️!! 💯%‼️!! 💯%‼️!! 💯%‼️!!